Insomnia

When I can't sleep, I do one of two things.

1) Lie in bed furiously, staring at the wall until I eventually force a sleep state upon myself.

2) Create.

Well, the first option usually results in my insomnia departing more rapidly, but the second option always results in my heart being lifted to a higher place. I struggle with insomnia often. I'm not sure if this is due to a busy mind or an unsettled heart. But if I am supposed to be awake to learn something, I am more than willing to sacrifice a few hours of sleep that I will no doubtably make up for in a lazy afternoon in the very near future.

So as far as creating goes, I'll write about the fact of the day: People are worth investing in. Yes, of course they are. We all know this. "It's good to love." "Look at what you can give instead of what you can receive." "Love others more than you love yourself." Yes. Of course. All these thoughts and sentiments are good and true and right. But strip all that down to look at the pure root of our humanity and our overly self-centered, abundantly self-satisfying core of existence, and an entirely separate truth prevails. And that truth is that investing in others is the quickest, most effective way to satisfy our own needs of fulfillment of earthly love, support, and community.

So basically, I'm saying, when you give, you get. We you love, you receive. When you bless, you walk away blessed beyond imagination. This seems elementary. I know. But everything doesn't have to be so complicated. I'm working my way back to a child-like faith and a child-like view of life and love.

So the cycle goes-

I am found in the Lord, and his Love is my purpose.

I show the love of the Lord to people I come in contact with.

Love is showered back upon me in infinite ways, pointing me back to the love of the Lord.

I am found in the Lord, and his Love is my purpose.

BEAUTY.

I could tell stories about tonight, but we'll just let it suffice to say this truth was written on my heart multiple times throughout the night.

So here it is.

Be inspired.

What's on my mind today:

1. Braille by Regina Spektor. Wow, what a song.

2. 2 Corinthians 5:17- "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come." >>A verse I've heard a million times. But take a minute to let the reality of this settle upon you.

3. Sushi. And Edamame. Tonight.

Blog Beginnings

So it's a blog. I can honestly say I thought highschool was the last of my blogging days. But I guess I was wrong. I've been learning so much lately- so much insight into the world and into others. How we can really discover who we are. How we can love better. How we can learn more. So I wanted to write them down, for memory, for inspiration. For me. Maybe for you. And I believe if I can sort past the melodramas and the monotonies that tendencies usually allow, I can write about the things in life that are real. I hope you are encouraged. Or even better- inspired.

Earlier this week, I was walking out of class and I passed a bench that I used to sit on and draw during my very first semester of college. I remembered everything I used to experience from the vantage point of that singular spot, and I began to reflect on the girl that I was three years ago.

At first, I was satisfied with how I have grown and matured during college. I am much less emotional than I was in those days. I am much more secure in who I am. And I know I have collected wisdom from everywhere I have been, everyone I have encountered, and every trial I have endured. But as this satisfaction settled about me, another thought rushed into my head. This one much more unsettling. I do not have the naivety or the innocence that I had three Octobers and lots of tears ago.

I used to be a dreamer; now I'm a realist. I used to be a giver; now I'm a protector. I used to be trusting; now I'm just skeptical. I used to be passionate; now I'm numb. Then I look around, and I realize I'm not the only one who has changed in these ways. See? We're trading truth for lies. We're trading hope for safety. And it's not a fair trade. I know I'm cheating myself of the potential fullness of character and heart.

As of today, I'm going to try to get my old heart back. Proclaim the lies that you are choosing to believe, and let truth be spoken to your heart.

Easier said than done? Yes. I know. That's why we should probably just go ahead and ask for some help.